Grateful Eight

                                         

Hi There! Click here to be redirected to my new website at ColorfullyBroken.com                                            

  

Thanksgiving is one of my  favorite holidays! I love the food,time with my loved one's, the holiday spirit and knowing that Christmas is just a few short weeks away!!

Unfortunately, all those things sometimes takeaway from the main reason why we come together every third Thursday in November: To Give Thanks! 

How many of us really set aside a specific time on "Turkey Day" to reflect on the things that we are grateful for and give God thanks for all He has done!

I  had already planned on doing this post a few weeks back but this weekend I went to the RISE Women's Conference at my church which was PHENOMENAL! I left feeling refreshed, rejuvenated and empowered.

One of the sessions on the last day just confirmed for me to write this post even more! The message was entitled "Be Grateful, Have Faith". Us women were given a call to action! This year's theme was Wonder and in order for us to live a life of  wonder we can start by making a list of things we are grateful for and then a second list of things that we have faith for the Lord to do in our lives. 

My list of things that I'm grateful/thankful for is endless but today I'd like to share 8 of them with you:

My Break-Up: I have gained SO much this year including inner strength, a new perspective on relationships & life and empathy for other women. What the enemy meant for evil, the Lord will use it for good!I'm looking forward to sharing some more about my gains in a future post!

My Blog: Wow! I literally can't say enough about this. One of the practical things that multiple break-up articles or videos recommended was to write out your feelings hence ColorfullyBroken. This is one of the most fulfilling things that I've ever done and I feel beyond honored that the Lord is using my experience to help others especially young women. God knew that he would turn that little girl writing stories in her notebook into a blogger one day. 

My Church: I love being connected to a community that serves as an oasis for me every week. I can pour myself out through ministry and get refilled each time.

My Family & Friends: When times get dark that's when the light around you shines the brightest. I love my family and  friends since they are like family. The Lord used them in such a special way in my life this year,they have no idea!They were only doing what they know how to,Being supportive, loving and just being there. Ladies,that's why it's so important for us to build each other up. I know it sometimes feel like a competition in the world of women but building each other up is much more valuable than tearing our sisters down. 

My Story: I LOVE surprises. I literally walk through life  like it's a big surprise party. You never know who or what is going to be on the other side of the door.Your life can literally change in a blink of an eye. God can do in 5 minutes what you have been fighting to achieve for 5 years! I heard something this weekend that was like an "Aha Moment": God already finished writing your story, He just reveals it to us in pieces! I totally get this, if we skipped to the end of the story we will probably run to the hills in fear of not feeling worthy of being used by Him. How do you finish a book? One chapter at a time.I'm so excited for Chapter 2018,2019,2020 and beyond!

My Redemption: Thank you God for second chances.He recovered my heart, hope, freedom and future.

My Heavenly Father: Without Him, I would have no one to depend on, confide in, lean on or pray to. Yea most of us have our support system however they cannot be there for us 24/7. He is always loving on me, being oh so good to me and constantly faithful.He can be my Lord, Savior, Father and Man all at the same time.

My Singleness: Y'all! Being in a relationship was one of the hardest things I've ever been apart of; even when things were good. I consider myself to be a very independent woman and being in a partnership where someone else brought their own unique qualities and habits to the table was very challenging for me. It was an  adjustment having  to learn how to share my life with someone else.I didn't realize that it would be so difficult;being single is honestly a walk in the park! 
This is no way knocking anyone in a relationship or marriage.I've heard from the horses mouth and experienced it myself: it's not always butterflies and rainbows. Even though  it can be demanding at times, I'm sure that being with God's Best is beyond rewarding and worth the wait.I have had so many wives tell me to enjoy this season and that I shall! 

What About You?

 What are you some things that you are grateful For?

"Love Notes" for the Broken Hearted

Hi There! Click here to be redirected to my new website at ColorfullyBroken.com                                            

When going through seasons of brokenness many of us turn to that one thing we can count on to help  us get through our valley. Mine was and still is my faith.I dived in head first into the Word. Searching to find the answers to my questions, joy to my pain, strength to my weakness and comfort to my misery. 

Today I share some of those scriptures that I meditated on that literally gave me life during a time of mourning. I pray that these "love notes" will bring you hope, encouragement, peace and strength.

ColorfulTip: Whenever I find a scripture that speaks to me I screenshot it and put it as my background either on my phone or desktop at work.That way, its literally always in front of me, ready and available for me to meditate on when I need it.

Wow this verse is so encouraging! Because of your faith in the Lord you will be blessed! There may be times when you don't feel blessed but that's the interesting thing about faith. We  choose faith even when we don't feel or see what we are looking for. It's not always easy to do especially when we are in our little valley but the  Lord is faithful to come through with His promises for you! Luke 1:45

During our brokenness is most likely when we feel our weakest and that our dignity has been stripped away. The last thing we want to do is laugh and our future seems uncertain. I love verses like this one. I try to envision the future me, where I want to be. During that time of brokenness we desire to feel strong, be dignified, full of laughter and courageous about where we are heading. I believe that once we are diligent with declaring such a bold scripture over our lives we will start to delight in it and it would be manifested in our lives! Proverbs 31:25

Heart ache caused by loss is in a whole category by it self. Sometimes that same person who is no longer there is who we looked to to be our sustenance. They were our rock, motivation and support.Once that person is no longer with us we feel lost, weak and sometimes confused.We put so much of our everything in people that we forget that they are human just like us. Life is short, anything we can physically see or feel is temporary. Isaiah 46:4 emphasizes that our heavenly Father will sustain us with whatever we need; be it love, strength, joy or life.Who better to look to than the One who created us!

 A good friend of mine gifted this verse to me on a canvas last Christmas. I thought it was adorable! Little did I know that it would have more of an impact on my life than expected. Going through a break-up can affect your self-esteem, self-confidence, and brings rejection and abandonment issues. It's hard to feel worthy or valued especially after being dismissed by the one who you thought you needed that validation from the most. There were so many times that I would wake up  and my eyes met these words on my wall as I got out of  bed to start my day. It was a much needed reminder and confirmation about my value. I would never place it into the hands of man ever again (this includes women too, girls can be so catty at times)! With or without that person you are more precious than rubies. Proverbs 3:15

I'll be the first to admit that I have a Type A personality. I like to put all my ducks in a row and plan ahead,sometimes wayy ahead! Put it this way, I'm already brainstorming ways to celebrate my birthday in June which is over 6 months away! I'd like to think that the more I plan the less stress that I'll have and everything will be perfect. We all know that's not always the case. Have you ever planned a wedding? I haven't yet, but I've been in a few. Something almost always goes wrong, even after 12 Months or more of planning! Anyways.. I say that to say even when we plan in advance sometimes we get surprises along the way and not the good ones either! The Lord has been working with me on this. I need to trust him as the captain of my ship instead of trying to take the wheel. Sad to say I've crashed a few times. I think it's best for Him to take over it's just easier said than done. Marriage, babies, career, the house with the white picket fence etc. will work out perfect in His timing.

I'm in my late 20s and often times, I reflect and think that I am not where I thought I would be at this time in my life. I said this while talking to a lady the other day and she said she still felt that way and she was in her forties! Life sometimes feel like we take one step forward and ten steps back. Jeremiah 29:11 reminds me that God has me right where he wants me to be. He is not even surprised at where I am  in life. For whatever reason we are on a detour or the arrival to our destination is delayed but it's coming! He wants to prosper you, give you hope and a future to look forward to!

What About You?!

What are some love notes that you enjoy meditating on to get you through those tough times?

Life Post Break-Up: 6 Months Update

      Hi There! Click here to be redirected to my new website at ColorfullyBroken.com                                            

This time 6 months ago I was about to experience my first break-up and I had no idea. When it finally happened I was so grieved because of the failure of our relationship. I was literally so SAD! I couldn't wait until months down the road when the pain would finally fade away. It was hard to imagine in that moment because happiness seemed so distant.

I could almost relate to those teen girls you sometimes see on TV who think that a break-up is the end of the world. It almost felt that way but I knew it wasn't. I  just felt a deep sadness that was hard to explain. I was praying for the day when I would genuinely be happy again and I wasn't putting on a front trying to act like I was OK.

It honestly took about two months for me to really be myself again. I refuse to let someone else's actions or words have that much power over my emotions and spirit.I woke up one day with a  renewed hope in my heart. I could feel the the Lord accelerating my restoration and healing!I was expectant about what God was going to do in my life.

So much has happened since my break-up in May and I'd like to share some of those things with you:

1. I co-presented at the state conference for my job! I felt like I was living out one of my passions. I felt very blessed that the Lord opened that door for me on that level to use my gift to speak with individuals from across the state. I really felt God's favor over my life during that conference.

2. I started Colorfully Broken! If it wasn't for my heart break this blog wouldn't have came into fruition. I created this because I literally had no clue what to do when my break up happened. Google, YouTube and the Lord were my best friends lol! Yea I was praying for the Lord to take away my pain and to bring me joy but I also wanted to learn some practical tips and advice to get through a break up.

 It's interesting  how when I was in high school I would be jealous of girls who always seem to have a boyfriend.What I didn't realize was a lot of boyfriends also meant a lot of heart break! How do people do this all the time?! This isn't the most fun subject to talk about but it's needed. There are so many resources about relationships and being single but not so  much about this transitional phase. Writing this blog has helped me to heal as much as those of you who read it.Thank you!

3. I took a couple mini road trips to spend time away from home. It's always so refreshing to step away from your daily routine to get some relaxation and refilling even if it's several hours away.  Thank God for amazing friends! I can truly say mine are the best for expressing their love to me and listening when I needed it the most.

4. I went to two concerts! This may not sound like a big deal to you, but it was for me. On our absolute last date (and the last time I saw my Ex) we went to see John Legend in concert which was always on  my bucket list! I was so excited and I was counting down the days till it finally happened. Less than two weeks later, our relationship went down the drain. This may sound silly but I felt that it spoiled my experience and in a way tainted John Legend for me.

Several months later I was gifted tickets to the Faith Hill & Time McGraw concert which was amazing! It was special that I got to share that experience with my mother and grandmother. That same weekend, I got to see one of my favorite worship artists Pastor William McDowell in concert. I was also able to speak with him and take a photo! That event was truly a worship experience. My heart was so full that weekend. I felt like God redeemed my time and showed me nuff love!

These are just a few of the many things that took place within the last 6 months. It's so easy to want to stay in bed under the covers and hide but there are so many things to experience and God wants to pour His love out on you!

Be intentional in getting your life back because it is possible. I'd be lying if I said that I don't ever think about what was; I do sometimes but I know I'm not going back. Been there, done that and took the selfie(a lot actually lol)! God has so much in store for me. I'm looking forward to sharing some resources with you in the upcoming weeks that I used to help me and is continuing to help me get through this season!

Wonder Woman

       Hi There! Click here to be redirected to my new website at ColorfullyBroken.com                                            

                           What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

This phrase is so cliché yet so profound. This is the perfect phrase to reflect on as you are going through seasons of brokenness caused by heartbreak, death or trauma. Unfortunately we use it so much that it may feel like it has lost it's luster.

I'll admit, I'm not a comic book fanatic but the Wonder Woman was the best movie that I saw this year! It exemplified girl power and I left the movie theatre feeling like I could conquer the world! 

Life's valleys are inevitable. Just going through them  doesn't necessarily make us stronger however  what you do to get through them and how we live our life moving forward does.

In this post I wanted to dive more into the meaning of the above quote and also let you know why you are Wonder Woman!

It's so easy to let ourselves go while experiencing despair. I'm sure some of us have been through life experiences where we question "what is the purpose..my purpose?"

Often times we get to a point where we just don't care anymore and in an effort to help heal our wounds  we turn to self destructive behaviors. This can be anything from binge eating, getting into a rebound relationship, self harm, drugs and other addictions.  

It  feels so good in the moment, but its satisfaction is  temporary. Next thing you know we find ourselves going into a downward spiral. 

Some of us suffer from clinical depression, anxiety and mental health diagnoses which could be triggered when we go through traumatic events. I take that very seriously and I would suggest considering seeking out a professional  for the right treatment that is best for you.

The rest of us just make poor choices (me included) even realizing that the outcome may not be  the best but we  choose not to care. Just because we spilled some milk doesn't mean we should throw away the whole cow.   

Going through the valley is a part of life. In my previous post I stated that in your pain there is promotion, preservation, protection and preparation. A lot of us will never know the reason why we go through heartache and pain. Deuteronomy 29:29 says:

"The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our  children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law." 

What I do know is this. Like a diamond that has gone through the fire to be refined you will come out shining brightly!

We are very similar to Diana aka Wonder Woman. We are the daughters of the God of the Universe,  alot of us have our Amazonian tribe of women to fight alongside us. Just like her, we have been blessed with supernatural powers. Some of us just haven't realized yet.

In the movie, it took her being almost pushed to her limit to realize the strength that was already within her.

Once you start to  activate the power that is already within you that was given to you by our Heavenly Father, then you will have people saying: "I WONDER what she did to be so full of joy? I WONDER how she got over her trauma so fast? I WONDER how she was able to continue to flourish even after experiencing such great loss?!"

Girl! You are WONDER WOMAN. You are full of WONDER that has yet to be seen! Take the time to cry and sulk but after that, start surrounding yourself with women who are in your tribe! Start engaging in progressive and productive activity. 

Make a commitment to climb that hill to get out of the valley. You know why? Commitment is not how you feel but a choice that you make daily. Do what you need to do to take that one step at a time!

4 Ps: The Pros of a Break Up

     Hi There! Click here to be redirected to my new website at ColorfullyBroken.com                                            

Believe it or not a break up is a blessing in disguise.  Even though it may not feel like it in the moment, there are some benefits to the end of a relationship. Below I discuss 5 reasons why a break-up may turn out to be a bonus!

1. pres·er·va·tion(n) the act of being reserved for a particular person or group.

About a week or so ago I met up with a friend from college and in reference to my second blog post "How the Mighty Have Fallen!"she told me "Girl! Your break up was not  a loss it was a gain. The Lord is trying to preserve you!" Reflecting back on her statement I thought how  true?!

 My breakup wasn't a surprise to God, He already knew it was going to happen. He wasn't trying to humiliate me or make me feel unloved or rejected. He already knew that wasn't  his plan for me long term and wanted to preserve me so that I can be His Best for someone else.  

Like a precious piece of art the creator knows that if it's touched or passed around too many times it will start to lose it's value so he places it in an area in a gallery that's roped off so curious fingers don't damage it in any way.You will never decrease in value to God but he knows that sometimes we lower our worth based on our brokenness.

He wants to make sure that  your emotions, self esteem, self worth and identity is intact and not damaged by the last one who came along. He wants to set you apart and not aside for the person who has yet to love you in ways that you have never been loved.

2. pro·tec·tion(n) a person or thing that prevents someone or something from suffering harm or injury.  

  Often times  when you see a toddler walking with a parent they are trying to pull away while their parent is holding on for dare life! The toddler wants to feed their curiosity and desire for freedom but throws a tantrum because they are not getting what they want. Little do they know that there is a flight of stairs just a few feet away that mommy or daddy is trying to protect them from.

 If they let their little hands go, there is a possibility that the toddler will tumble  down the stairs and hurt themselves or worse for the sake of fulfilling their desires. Just like the parent  protecting their child, that's how God looks out for us! As mere humans we can see only a slice of the whole pie. Your relationship may have appeared to be enticing  to you but God knows that later on down the road things aren't going to be as  attractive.   

That person is by your side now but when the going gets tough are they going to stick around? As the relationship progresses will they support you and build you up or tear you down because of jealousy.?Will their love turn out to be conditional and they leave after things are not what  they expected it to be? It is easy to get along with someone when things are going well.Honestly the possibilities are endless as to what God is protecting us from. 

This may sound dramatic but I love watching mystery TV shows like Dateline and 48 Hours. Unfortunately, there are many  episodes of spouses killing their husband or wife. I can't even tell you how many times I wondered  if their spouse ignored signs especially while they were dating.  How many of those couples broke up and somehow found their way back to each other not realizing that  Man's rejection was God's protection.

3. prep·a·ra·tion (n)  the action or process of making ready or being made ready for use or consideration. 

One of my favorite pastimes is reading and I've been doing that more frequently recently. While reading through the comments on an article about relationships this lady referred to her Ex as her "preparation man".Some of you can even say you had a "preparation woman"! 

What is that you ask? Well the trial run before the real deal. I've learned so much about myself, relationships and the opposite sex during the last several months than I've ever had in the last few years. Now that I'm equipped with some knowledge through time and experience then I have the power to apply it. 

Don't be too hard on yourself because your relationship  didn't work out! Recognizing the dos and donts,your likes & dislikes and wants & needs, will allow you to  make changes to your list ,make better choices, and improve yourself for future relationships. 

Falling does not always equal failure, it can yield preparation for the next go around. In the words of the late great Aaliyah "if at first you don't succeed dust your self off and try again". Part of falling is being banged and bruised up but also learning and growing in awareness.

Identify what made you fall in the first--second or third--place so that the next time you run around the track you can avoid those pot holes and effectively complete the race. The lessons you have learned from your former relationship(s) are tools to building successful ones moving forward.

4. pro·mo·tion(n) the action of raising someone to a higher position or rank or the fact of being so raised.

This probably makes no sense especially when one goes from hearing " You are the love of my life" to " Let's be great friends". Ouch!That's like the ultimate demotion! 

It's funny how when you are in a relationship you think it's the best thing since slice bread (as us Jamaicans would say lol). Now looking back I definitely realized that it wasn't all that I thought it was cracked up to be especially after the first several months.

We live in a relationship obsessed world. It's all around us from music, movies,TV shows,conversations with friends and families and certain holidays.There is definitely unspoken pressure to all the singles to get in a relationship.

Let me tell you, there is so much more to life than relationships or marriage. Yes the Lord cares about your desires and want to promote your love life but there are other areas as well that He wants to elevate! Some people will never live up to their full potential because of who they have chosen to join themselves with. God looks at the bigger picture, he doesn't ever want you to settle in life!  

How many times do we see ourselves trying to sit in some mediocre seats thinking that's all we can afford  when God already reserved the VIP section for us in this stadium called life. 

God can use your pain to promote you! He can open doors for you to get a literal promotion at work, start a ministry or organization to inspire others who went through what you did too or write a best selling book(where do you think self help books come from?).

I follow several women  on social media who lost a ton of weight post break-up/divorce one now owns a gym to help improve the self confidence of other women and some  re competing in fitness competitions. Who knows where they would've been If they stayed in those relationships? There is nothing more fulfilling after a relationship than accomplishing something on your own. It's a great way to gain self-confidence!

I'm sure you can think of individuals whose life got promoted despite of their brokenness;or because of it.The same thing that we think disqualifies us is exactly what qualifies us to be used.

 

 I want you to know that in your pain there is preservation, protection, preparation and promotion. What the enemy used to break you down the Lord will use it for His good! 

Hindsight is 20/20

      Hi There! Click here to be redirected to my new website at ColorfullyBroken.com                                            

Often times it takes getting out of a relationship to finally see clearly. In the beginning you feel so high off the "love drug" that your judgment is clouded from the smoke of passion.

It's inevitable that you will eventually crash and  have to face reality. Especially with two imperfect people attempting to do life together. Passion or chemistry won't sustain a relationship.

Here are 7 lessons that I've learned from my relationship now that I'm going through my period of detox.

1.There is no guarantee.

When you are dating, engaged or even married! I felt extra secure in my relationship,  like there was nothing we couldn't overcome. I never doubted  that we would go to that next step; it was just a matter of when. Even with the bumps along the way, it was OK all we had to do was just fix it! Right?!

Well! That was  easier said than done. Naturally, there are times in a relationship where you are not sure exactly what the other person is thinking or feeling.

You have to trust their word that you are both on the same page. There is such a level of vulnerability that comes with opening up your heart to someone.

 We don't even know what we want for lunch much less who we want to spend our life with or continue dating.

This unveiled to me that yes you should have trust in your significant other but my faith and plans for my life should be placed in God not man! Both people should be bringing your relationship before God. If we strive to make a relationship successful in our own strength we will fail.

 He is the only guarantee. 

2. Everybody's love story is different.

There is no magical formula for love. I've heard and seen them all. 

Exhibit #1- The couple in their 20s who met, started dating, got engaged and married all within a year's time.

Exhibit #2- The couple who dated for 8 years moved in together and one person decided that they no longer want to be in a relationship.
Exhibit #3- The couple in their 30s who dated between 2 to 4 years and took the next step and now have a successful marriage... or Not.
Exhibit#4- The couple who were high school sweethearts, married for 30-something years, then decided they want a divorce.
(These relationships also may include children)

  I'm sure you can think of more variety of couples. There is no rhyme or reason to relationships. You can do things the "right way" and it still doesn't turn out how you want it to.

At the end of the day a relationship involves two people but you can only be responsible for your actions.

It's OK if your love story doesn't look like your best friend's or sister's or mother's; as long as you end up with God’s Best!

Don't rush the process for the sake of title or time. It's better to want and not have, than to have and not want. When the right person comes along, it will all make sense and you will be so glad you waited.

3. If someone shows you who they really are believe them.

 It's so easy to talk yourself into staying in a relationship that you know have passed its expiration date. Why do we stay? We tend to think only of the good times and then sweep the not so good ones under the rug.

 Who the person shows you to be in their daily life is who they will be in their love life. You may not see it initially in your relationship but eventually it will start to overflow.

Do they have a stable job or living situation? If not, then they may start to display a lack of commitment to you. If they don’t have a vision then how do they know where you fit in God’s purpose for their life?

That person not managing their finances appropriately may result in them being a poor provider later on down the road. There are so many more things to be aware of, such as how they treat their family & friends,displaying responsibility & decision making skills etc. 

Never stay longer than you know you should. That’s the point of dating anyway, to see if that person is well suited for you. If not then let them go. Temporary pain, leads to long term gain.

4. Relationships take work, work, work, work, work!

 Intentionality is key in any relationship. It is easy to get comfortable and complacent. Guys: pursuing a girl is just as important during the relationship  as it is before.

Think about it this way, once you get your dream car  it's not going to run itself. You have to turn on the ignition, shift the gear, press down on the gas pedal, guide with the steering wheel and bring it to the mechanic for regular maintenance. You get my drift {pun intended}. 

Both people  need to be consistent with communication, honesty and making quality time for each other. 

One of the worse feelings in a relationship is holding it down on your own while your partner is digging their heels into the ground. Not cool.

 SN: If you are done with the relationship just say so respectfully. It's not fair to the other person. Mostly likely they can tell you checked out anyway. 

5. Don't do too much too soon.

 Pace yourself! Don't start talking about deep dark secrets, fears or the future until further along in your relationship. Build  first.

Even though these sound like obvious things to talk about when getting to know each other. It may cause more harm than good. You may feel that you already invested so much into the relationship, emotionally and or physically so you believe that it's too late to back out now.

You ever heard about emotional dependence, infatuation and awakening "love" prematurely? 

From my personal experience, we were exchanging "I Love You's" less than 6 months in. 

I don't doubt that I loved my Ex but I believe it was based on who I perceived him to be as opposed to reality. Once I realized that he may not be for me, I felt like I invested too much to discontinue what we had.

If we paced ourselves upfront, we would have realized sooner rather than later that we were not as compatible as we thought. 

In a relationship time is your best friend! If God identified his Best for you then you have the rest of your lives to get to know each other. No need to rush.

SN: I believe there are some exceptions to this. I know couples personally who started dating, got engaged and married in less than a year who have healthy relationships.

6. Don't ever compare yourself or be jealous of other couples.

You never know what couples are going through once they put their selfie sticks  away. Don't get me wrong, I believe it's important to protect your relationship so they may not be necessarily "faking it". Posting every argument or venting to certain people in your life will only open the door for disunity and even more conflict to creep in.

Social Media has it's benefits but it also has it's drawbacks as well.

 You never know what some people settle for in relationships to get likes. The same can be said  for the other way around.

You never know the battle that some couples had to fight to get their love to where it is today. Some women or men may be jealous of what the other person has but would be the first to leave when challenges arise.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Celebrate what God is doing in the lives of those around you(and on social media) and see what he does in yours!

7. Don't be too hard on yourself!!

  This can be said for two things:

#1. When you look back and realize you were in a relationship that you had no business being in in the first place. #2 When you had your not so proud moments in your relationship that wasn't the best reflection of your character.  

I'd be lying if I said I didn't judge my own decision making skills once everything was  done. What was I thinking?!

I came to the conclusion that our break up was inevitable. There was nothing else I could've said or done to stop it. You can do everything the "right way" in a relationship however if  that person is not God's Best for you (or you for them) it will never last no matter how hard you try.

We aren't perfect, including your Ex.If you know you messed up when you were together don't beat yourself up.

Rectify it by taking ownership for your part (even if it's 10%), apologize(If possible, I did!) and learn from those mistakes so that you don't take it into your next relationship.

Thank God for his limitless grace!

 What About You?

What are some lesson that you have learned from relationships?! 

I'd be the first to tell you that I'm no relationship guru. These are lessons I've learned through trial and error. Some of these I knew before, but it took me experiencing it to really open my eyes. I’m grateful for these lessons.

I can truly say that I am a stronger woman than I was 5 months ago. Walking through the process isn’t easy, but it’s helping me to grow!

How the Mighty Have Fallen!

   Hi There! Click here to be redirected to my new website at ColorfullyBroken.com                                            

Woww are you freakin' serious?!

10 months together and now you want us to "go our separate ways"?

Conversations about forever but you can barely last a year....

One of the worst pains in life is when  someone chooses to stop fighting for/with you and walks away from the ring dragging pieces of your heart along with them.

 Why wasn't I worth fighting for?

During that first week post break-up I was a mess; so weak it wasn't even funny. 

Just going through the motions like a zombie wondering around aimlessly.

Dreading him coming up in conversation with people who meant well but were clueless as to what just took place. 

It seriously felt like I was mourning his death, even though he was just a car ride away.

I was torn between hiding under my covers  and  going through my daily routine. I chose the latter since it was a distraction even though my insides felt like they were crumbling like Jenga blocks.

Who was going to love me now?

Forehead kisses, unwavering support, the warm embrace of a man, deep talks about life, perfectly handwritten cards and hearing him say "Hey Beautiful" like it was my first name were now a distant memory.

 I always felt that I would've rather not love than love & lost because then I wouldn't know what I would be missing.  Now i do..and it sucks.

It was a hard pill for me to swallow, as with any person who loves hard.

I longed for the day that he would  pick up the phone and say he wanted me back but ..that was wishful thinking.

After reluctantly embracing my new reality of being single again. I was so determined to press forward and never look back. 

I waited 20-something  years for this?!

My intent was to erase him from my life, wishing that I never opened the door to us. Everything we experienced together  was  now tainted  with emotions of what was.

One of the many lessons I've learned from my relationship is that you cant love without risk. They are hand in hand, especially when dealing with humans.

SN: God's love is relentless, steadfast & forever faithful.

Finally getting over the initial shock of such an abrupt end to our love story, I'm more bummed now that I have to start from scratch. I was so close yet so far from having what so many are craving.

Yo it's hard out here!

The beauty about starting from scratch is.. its pure with no unnecessary processes or additives. You can add  or subtract what you want. It's your life, you are the creator of how it will look moving forward.

No more waiting on him or her to get their act together, no more feeling like you have to chose between your relationship & your goals and no more being treated like an option while they were your priority. 

 Travel the world, pursue your dreams, go after that new business venture, start volunteering or a new hobby, go back to school, launch a blog/vlog or do absolutely nothing. 

One of my favorite gems that I got from reading  It's called a Break up because its Broken is that a break up gives you the opportunity to redesign your life!

Once I embraced that perspective, my spirit was renewed and hope awakened.Just like how I chose love daily in my relationship, I choose happiness without one.

What About You?

What did you do or would like to do now that you are single again?

.

My First Heartbreak

                                    

     Hi There! Click here to be redirected to my new website at ColorfullyBroken.com                                            

heartbreak                    

noun heart·break \ ˈhärt-ˌbrāk \ :crushing grief, anguish, or distress

He was funny, handsome, kind and God-fearing.He was the best guy a girl could have asked to do life with. But one Sunday evening, all of that ended abruptly. Life as I knew it would never be the same again. Devastated wasn't even the word.When I got the news, it created the deepest hole in my heart that I knew would never be filled again.

The only man that I had ever loved up until that point in my life was no longer going to be in it. Who was going to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day? Who was I going to ask for advice about boys, God, or life? He walked with me up until I was 14 years old and now I had to finish the rest of this journey without him.

Never in a million years would I have thought that this would have happened to me, nobody ever does. This happens to your neighbors, people on TV, friends and even extended family members but not to us. I was blind sided.I just saw him less than 24 hours ago and now this.

It was bittersweet getting the news of his death. Bitter for obvious reasons and sweet because I had a cool story to tell about how he died. He  collapsed and had a heart attack while preaching a sermon at a Sunday Night service at a local church.

Even though the hospital was only a few blocks away my father's life ended that night at the age of 47. I take comfort in knowing that he died doing what he loved the most.

A couple days after while at home, I remember staring up at the steps of our townhome hoping that he would come walking down from upstairs but he never did. Several weeks after, I couldn't help but think “why was the entire world still going on with life despite him not being in it”.It may have been an ignorant statement to make but I really didn't have any understanding of what should’ve happened after his death.

All I knew is that no one knew how I felt even if you had lost a parent too, you didn't have the same experiences I had or had the same dad. No one else could relate.

There was nothing anyone could have said to make my family and I feel better because at the end of the day he wasn't coming back.  Even though people meant well when expressing to us their grievance; there still wasn’t enough “I’m sorries” in the world that could have pulled us out of the black hole we found ourselves in, they seemed pointless. The only response I could muster up for them was "It's OK" although we all knew it really wasn't.

My family handled it the best way we knew how. Living life as normal as we could with one less person in our family. We ended up going through grief therapy thanks to my mom. I think that was one of the best things we could've done as a family to cope with the loss of my father.

I would never judge anyone for seeing a therapist, (been there, done that). Therapy, people and a handful of other progressive activities really helped me get through and survive those difficult times.

Over a decade has passed since his death and a lot has happened since then. I honestly can say that time does heal all wounds, at least the giant hole in my heart has shrunken considerably.

There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him.Often times, it still feels like just yesterday when I got the bad news.I wonder what kind of woman I would've been if he were here and what choices would I have made differently?

My father left behind an awesome example of how to be a stand-up father, husband and a Christian. I am beyond blessed to call him my father. I am grateful to literally be half of who he was and I'm a better person for it.

We have all experienced brokenness at some point or another where we feel hopeless,helpless, weak,desperate,unloved and maybe even to the point of no return. Just know that you too can still color beautifully even after being broken.